I haven't been able to write for a couple of weeks, except from in my diary. My head has been in a bit of an explosive place but I know that productivity is key for recovering from your 'dips in the road'. So I want to write again, I want to take pictures again and I want to make the most of this blog.
I came to a standstill because I think I stopped doing what I want. I'm not quite out of this weird place yet but I'm at the start of wanting to fix myself which I think is what needs to happen first. Sometimes we can forget what makes us happy and who makes us happy and we can cut ourselves off. I find myself, as if it's some form of self punishment, pushing away friends and my boyfriend and my hobbies because I believe I don't deserve the happiness they bring. I reject bitterness to other people in order to hurt myself, not them. It took me a while to realise that this is what I did.
I don't know if you ever feel like this but I have discovered a few things that help with this.
-Tidying really helps me. I know that's weird because a lot of people hate tidying but sometimes when your mind becomes messy, clearing your room/flat can help because at least SOMETHING is de-cluttering.
-Have a pamper session. Usually when I'm thinking ugly thought, I feel ugly in general. Therefore, running a bath, popping on a facemask, hairmask, painting your nails, lighting some candles and putting on some chill music (some fleetwood mac/ mac demarco does the job) can help so much. Take some time to make yourself feel put together again.
-Walk. Taking yourself out(dog optional) helps because it allows you to get fresh air which definitely helps clear your mind a bit. I like to take my puppy on a big walk somewhere isolated so I don't need to worry about what I look like and if I really need to cry I can. It's also exercise and walking the dog = productive.
-Stick on some music and write. Or paint. Or work on a scrap book. This allows you to get things out, it allows you to focus on something beautiful that can distract you for a little while. I usually dig up one of my notebooks and just let loose. I write everything I need to get out, my feelings and what I'm going to do about them. If you haven't tried this, definitely do.
-Make lists. Lists of what you need to get done so that you can slowly work your way through tasks to be productive. Make a list of everything that's wrong. Make a list of all the things right in your life. Make a list of what you're grateful for. I don't know, just make a list.
-Run. Treadmill, outdoors, whatever. Just run and don't give up. You will feel accomplished.
-Reading is also a good distraction from bad thoughts, it allows you to focus on the life's of other people and their problems. It gives your brain a break, even just for a couple of hours, from thinking about you're sadness.
-If you're stably financial to do so, go shopping and treat yourself to a few new things. If you go a bit crazy, you can always return things, don't worry.
SOME THINGS YOU SHOULDN'T DO
Drink alcohol, sit on social media for hours, self harm, be angry at yourself, sleep (you will usually wake up and feel just as bad), push your friends away, blame your family and boyfriend for not helping you enough, binge eat, not eat all.
Don't forget to do what you love. This is your life and if there's something wrong, change it.